College and pro football predictions, 9-22 and 9-23

Toledo 45, Coastal Carolina 14 — There shouldn’t be any worries here for the Rockets, other than key starters getting hurt and missing next week’s game with Western Michigan in Kalamazoo. 

Virginia Tech 41, Bowling Green 17 — Hokies and Beamer must have been looking ahead to the Falcons last week. Their loss to Pittsburgh was exceedingly embarrassing.

Buffalo 33, Kent State 28 — Two very lousy MAC East teams.

South Florida 26, Ball State 21 — Cardinal fans in Muncie were closing bars there after their win over Indiana. USF turns the ball over a lot, so a BSU win may not be out of the question in Muncie.

Michigan State 48, Eastern Michigan 7 — A Sparty letdown is not out of the question. Bell will get 187 yards and a pair of TDs, and the Sparty QB will look like Tom Brady against the atrocious Hurons/Eagles, who belong in Division I-AA.

Miami 35, UMass 10 — Minutemen will be the MAC East doormats.

Tennessee 41, Akron 7 — Rocky Top knows this win for the Volunteers is a joke.

Ohio U. 43, Norfolk State 6 — Bobcats enjoy an easy tune-up for the MAC schedule.

Western Michigan 31, UConn 28 (OT) — Upset here for the Broncos in Kalamazoo.

Northern Illinois 27, Kansas 23 — Huskies vanquish Charlie Weis in DeKalb.

Iowa 28, Central Michigan 10 — A close game here will prove the Hawkeyes are worse than mediocre. Flat-out lousy will be the better description of the mess Ferentz has in Iowa City if that happens.

Ohio State 45, UAB 17 — South Carolina whipped UAB, 49-6 last week and Spurrier called it “one of the closest 49-6 games I've ever been around.” He was being kind to the Blazers, I’m sure. Knowing the Buckeyes defense, the game will have some moments of closeness with all the bump tackles they love to do. When will they learn how to wrap up?

Michigan 35, Notre Dame 33 — The national sports media are on the Irish bandwagon. I’ll go against their “conventional wisdom” and take the Wolverines in an upset. Kelly’s defense somehow blows another fourth-quarter lead and makes Denard look like the Heisman Trophy candidate he really isn’t.

Louisiana Tech 31, Illinois 17 — Beckman’s boys better not take La. Tech lightly. This game may turn into an easy win for Bulldogs.

Penn State 30, Temple 20 — Enjoy this win, Happy Valley. There aren’t many more left on the schedule. Indiana is the only certain victory on the rest of the slate.

Northwestern 31, South Dakota 13 — Lots of 40-yard line seats will be available at kickoff at Ryan Field.

Wisconsin 17, UTEP 16 — I missed the Badgers-Utah State pick by one point. Bielema’s offense is really bad. Ball has to be wondering if he shouldn’t have turned pro.

Nebraska 47, Idaho State 8 — Burkhead is expected to play here. Like they will need him a lot. Pelini should be worried he will reinjure his ankle.

Minnesota 27, Syracuse 24 — Would love to see Little 12 zebras screw the Orange like the way they did it to the Rockets last year.

Alabama 52, Florida Atlantic 3 — FAU’s lovely parting gift comes in the form of a huge paycheck for taking one in the chops in Tuscaloosa.

LSU 35, Auburn 17 — First trip away from Baton Rouge for Miles. Chizik’s defense won’t be able to match up with the Tigers’ strong offense.

South Carolina 38, Mizzou 24 — Spurrier will have a few grimaces mid-game but in the end he will be flashing his smile.

USC 38, Cal 24 — Bears will give the Surfer Boys a few close moments before Barkley gets the offense moving.

Oregon 45, Arizona 34 — Ducks will fly past Rich Rod in Eugene in a typical no-defense Pac 12 game.

No Fun League

Lions 31, Titans 23 — Time for Stafford and the offense to get their asses in gear. Titan defense is far from titanic.

Bears 22, Rams 19 — Cutler throws 2 picks to keep the Bears from blowing out a lousy Ram team.

Packers 24, Seahawks 20 — On paper, it’s a Packer laugher. On the field, it’s much closer and bettors like it that way.

Redskins 30, Bengals 24 — After beating the Saints, the NFL shills across the country made Griffin look like the next Sonny Jurgenson. Then he couldn’t beat Bradford in St. Louis next week. Look for Griffin to get a huge boost for Rookie of the Year from the NFL shills after he beats the Bengals with 2 or 3 TD tosses and 286 passing yards.

Clowns 16, Bills 13 (OT) — Both teams have trouble moving the ball across the street.

49ers 27, Vikings 24 — I got this weird feeling the Niners could blow this one.